


Even a Monster Has Feelings

by Harukawa



Category: Kagerou Project, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Crossover, M/M, in which haruka is a ghoul and he hates himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 20:17:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1871019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harukawa/pseuds/Harukawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thought disgusts him, knowing that he has to hurt someone, that he has to take another's life just to feed himself, just to keep his own worthless existence going. It's a thought that constantly haunts him, a feeling of repulsion towards himself that he can barely live with. <strong>(</strong><em>Shintaro. Shintaro is the only reason I can keep myself going. Shintaro likes me. He cares about me. Needs me. I have to...</em><strong>)</strong></p>
            </blockquote>





	Even a Monster Has Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Mmm mmm, Tokyo Ghoul AU where Haruka is a Ghoul and Shintaro is a human that Haruka falls in love with.
> 
> Cross-posted to my Tumblr: [harooks](http://harooks.tumblr.com)

If there was one thing Haruka feared, it was hunger. Hunger was insanity; it was his hands clutching at his head as his primal instincts came alive, as the thoughts that swirled around in his mind became too much for him to block out.  **[Call him. Ask him to meet you. He'd come, it would be so easy.]** He lets out a strangled cry, tears streaming from blood red eyes as he desperately tries to shove the thoughts out of his mind.  **(** _I can't do that. Not to Shintaro. Not him. Anyone but him. I..._ **)**

He takes several deep, shuddering breaths, exhaling slowly each time in a vain attempt to calm himself.  **(** _Food. I have to... I have to eat. I have to eat before I end up..._ **)** He doesn't let himself finish the thought, violently shaking his head. The thought disgusts him, knowing that he has to hurt someone, that he has to take another's life just to feed himself, just to keep his own worthless existence going. It's a thought that constantly haunts him, a feeling of repulsion towards himself that he can barely live with.  **(** _Shintaro. Shintaro is the only reason I can keep myself going. Shintaro likes me. He cares about me. Needs me. I have to..._ **)**

He drags himself to his feet, staggering a few steps forward.  **(** _I have to hunt._ **)** He makes his way out of his house, taking off the instant he's outside.  **(** _It's late. There won't be many people out, I won't have to worry about bystanders._ **)** He runs through his options in his mind, sniffing at the cold night air in a bid to locate an easy meal. It doesn't take him long to smell something promising, to smell human life,  _prey._ _  
_

He follows after the scent before he even realises what he's doing, hunger clawing at the edges of his mind as he takes off into a sprint.  **[Food. Prey. Meat. _Hunger._ ]** He stops fighting it, because it's easier that way. Because if he just lets his hunger take over, if he just loses himself to his feral side, it's not as bad. He won't feel that sickening guilt as he tears into the soft flesh of a human, won't have that wave of regret wash over him with each and every bite it takes. He won't feel anything but  _ecstasy_ until it's over, until he finally returns to himself, hands and mouth stained with blood as red as his eyes.

He's so close to his prey now, and they smell so  _good,_ so  _delicious._ He isn't holding back any longer, doesn't need to when he's so close, when his hunger is finally about to be sated after a horrific month of suffering. Whoever his target is, they're within the next alleyway, and he skids to a halt just outside the entrance before he finally spots his meal. His kagune releases itself, tendrils spurting out of his back and hardening into lethal weapons as he hurls himself at the hapless human before him.

"Wha--?!" There's a brief cry from his victim as his kagune pierces through their abdomen, as it tears through soft flesh as easily as a knife cuts through butter. His prey stares at him in a sort of fascinated and confused horror, coughing up blood as he tries to speak. "Ha... Haru...ka..?"

The name should mean something to him, but it doesn't. The  _person_ should mean something to him, but they don't. He leaps onto his prey the instant his kagune is withdrawn, forcing his hands into the wound left behind and ripping,  _tearing_ his victim open.  **[Rip. Tear. Kill. _Devour._ ] **Screams fill the air as he pulls his prey apart, as he pulls out a long string of intestines and shoves them into his mouth. It's delicious, it's the most exquisite thing he's ever tasted, and he wants more,  _more._

His teeth sink into the soft, squishy flesh of his prey's innards, fingers grabbing hold of every organ he can find before ripping it out. Intestines, kidneys, liver, stomach, everything he can reach is torn out, shovelled into his mouth to sate his voracious hunger. The sharp  _snap_ of bone as he tears at the ribcage, the tortured screams of the damned, the erratic beating of an exposed human heart... It drives him  _wild._

And it's too late. It's too late by the time he realises he  _knows_ that voice. Too late by the time he finally recognises that  _face._ The beast within him finally goes silent, his own numb mind forced to take back over.  **(** _Shintaro. That's... That's Shintaro. Why is he..?_ **)** He slowly stares down at the half-eaten heart still in his hands, realisation crashing down on him with more force than he can handle.  **(** _I... No... No, he wasn't supposed to... Why was he..? He shouldn't have... Shintaro... This is... I... He isn't moving. He isn't breathing. He's... I did this. I did this, I--_ **)**

He drops the organ in his hands, eyes widening as it all sinks in.  **(** _I did this. I did this. I killed him. I did this. Shintaro. Shintaro. The one person I'd never. I did this. **I did this. I killed** **him.**_ **)** Bloodied hands reach up to grab fistfuls of his own hair, eyes growing impossibly wide as tears begin to fall. He opens his mouth to say something, to say  _anything,_ but all that leaves him is a tortured scream. It's a scream that rips through his throat, a scream that doesn't end until he's forced to gasp for breath, only to start anew. It's a scream that only stops when his voice finally gives way, until the only sounds he can make are the choked sobs that continue to escape him.

He's a monster. He's always known that, always realised he wasn't capable of redemption. Always hated himself for the disgusting, reprehensible way in which he survives. But there'd been one person, just one person that wanted him,  _needed_ him there. Some small part of him had wanted to make this work, had wanted to keep Shintaro safe. But he realises now, realises that he should have known better.

After all, the only thing a monster can do is  ** _kill._**


End file.
